By meri.b

Last week, while traveling, I received sad news: a friend had passed away. At this stage in life, these messages seem to come more often — and the long tail of Covid still seems to reach into the present. It hit me deeply. Not just the loss of a friend or the reminder of mortality, but something deeper began to stir.

When Grief Layers Itself
Every funeral seems to bring all my other sorrows to the surface. I find myself quietly in my seat… and the tears begin to fall. Not only for what’s been lost, but for the unattended grief still alive within me.
You see, anger isn’t really a core feeling — it’s what comes up when our deeper feelings go unprocessed.
Grief, especially, is a weight we carry when we haven’t been able to fully feel a loss. Often, it’s not just the big griefs we carry.It’s the grief for things that never happened. The heartbreak of being forgotten, left out, not chosen.

These small, painful pieces —
they build up quietly until one day, we notice how heavy we’ve become. And even if you could name what’s bothering you, would you know what to do with it?
How do you untie a knot that’s been tangled for years?
How do you speak to someone who’s no longer here?

My Journey with Grief
Twenty years ago, I became a grief recovery counselor. That doesn’t mean I’ve done all the work.
Far from it. But it means I recognize the signals. When emotion rises easily, when I tear up in places I didn’t expect — I know that something old is asking to be felt. Not to drown in sadness — but to be honored.
To be remembered not in black and white, but in color and detail.  As part of me. Returning home.